Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
