The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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