The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
