Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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