You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
