Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
