i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I love having hate sex.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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