please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
