Having a random hookup so left but love u
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
