Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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