I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
