I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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