Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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