Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
