does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
