Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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