you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
