East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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