ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
