did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
