he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
