i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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