dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i came on her dog
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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