Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
