I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
