Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
