I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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