I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Randomize
