I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
vagina is talking i cant
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
