Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
