I accidentally burped into my bong.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
