I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
