Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
