dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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