Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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