I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
