Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
