I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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