Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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