If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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