dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
