She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
