It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I need water and some morals
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
