i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
