she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
