I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
