Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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