i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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