that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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