i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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