i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
