: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
