woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
