Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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